I thought I had it all figured. When Liam, our first, was 4 months old, I put his name down at 2 schools: one small and supposedly wonderful private boys' school in an adjacent suburb and one large private boys' school that was of no interest to me, but that was there as a back-up plan. Both schools are established and traditional. Both prize manners, leadership and worldliness. Both are excellent schools.
Last week, I attended (for the second year in a row) the Open Day of School #1. It was fantastic. Their marimba band had me in tears, the children were bright-eyed, polite and sassy and the teachers and facilities are really second to none. A small, special (but certainly elite) school, it offers truly individual attention and an almost family-feel. That said, it is one of the most expensive in Joburg and is situated in one of Joburg's most elite suburbs.
This morning, we went, reluctantly, to an interview at School #2. It's much bigger, and where School #1 is just primary, School #2 goes from Grade 000 - O Levels. There was no marimba band; no real tour of the grounds and no moving speech from the headmaster. Surprisingly though, we both felt so much more at home. Where School #1 comprises 90% the ultra-elite of Joburg, School #2 is far more mixed. It had much more of the feel that good government schools had in South Africa in the 80's, but thankfully, markedly more racially and culturally diverse. The names on the desks were a real South African melange: Caleb-Nino-Thabang-Ridwaan-Chad-Itumeleng-Joshua-Dimitri-Oliver. The parents seemed normal and down-to-earth and while I do get the sense that what it offers from an academic and cultural perspective is not as gob-smacking as School #1, I have to ask myself the question: what is education? What do I want my son exposed to in his formative years?
I'm not sure it's really about picking the school as much as it's about picking the peer group. I know every private school will have an elite element, but if 90% of the school is ultra-elite, Liam won't have many options. He is growing up 100% more privileged than I did and I am terrified that he will have a sense of entitlement in the world, which I am allergic to. By choosing ultra-elite, am I not setting him up for this in some respects? I know that a child's values begin at home, but as they get older, their peers have more and more of an influence, and I am so conscious of making sure that he hangs with a mix of people that are at least a little reflective of the real world.
What I did realise this morning is that no matter how good my life gets, I will always be middle class at heart. XXX
Its a seriously tough decision - way more so than I ever would have imagined. For me, it ultimately really came to that - where do we, as a family, fit into the scheme of things. What kind of kids do we want as friends for our children, what kind of people do we want to mix with, and how do we want our kids to see the world? Good luck Jo!
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