Kung Fu Panda on the loose

This past Saturday, my brother took Liam (almost 5) and his friend Kassa to see Kung Fu Panda 2. It was a big hit. My brother gave the boys a Kung Fu lesson on the trampoline after the movie (looked more like Tai Chi to me, but I was grateful for the outsourced entertainment) and Liam spent the rest of the weekend practising his moves and deciding which character in the movie his brother Ben could be.

All was well and good. Or so I thought.

On Monday at 13h00, when I fetched Liam and his friend Cameron from their nursery school in Parkhurst, I was met with The Look from one of his teachers.

"Liam hit three girls today."

Fuck.

I am generally quite calm about good ol' naughtiness, but I nearly had a coronary. I threw him into the car and in much the same style as my mother, I seethed:
"You are going to get the hiding of your life when we get home."

Very retro, yes?

I know. You can't teach children not to smack by smacking. But that's the theory. My mom whacked the living daylights out of me regularly with a wooden spoon, and aside from the very occasional FGH for my children (see earlier post), I haven't hit a person in at least 22 years.

When we arrived home, I settled Cameron in the kitchen with a bowl of Woolies pasta and marched a very apologetic Liam to my bedroom.

"Explain to me what happened Liam."
"Um...Cameron was talking to.."
"I AM NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT CAMERON DID! WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"I smacked Leila and Lexi and Tova. I was just doing Kung Fu Panda on them." (holding back tears)
"How would it be if Daddy did Kung Fu Panda on me?" (holding back laughter)
"Not good." (tears streaming)
"Right - pants down..." (and so ensued the very politically incorrect smack)

But that's not all. I then made the poor blighter phone every mother and apologise to both mother and daughter. And he did it, through hysterical sobs.

" Hello Chantal...(sob sob)...It's me. Liam Smollan. I smacked Lexi and I'm so sorry...(sob sob)..."

Did I over-react? Probably.
Do I have regrets? Nope.

I think sometimes some drama is appropriate. To make an impact on kids these days is next to impossible. I feel like I have to ask Liam the same thing an average of 3 times before he even pays attention to me.

Leila, Lexi and Tova were fine. Apparently Kung Fu Panda does not throw a particularly powerful punch. Their moms were also great - totally understanding and respectful of how I needed to handle it.

It's tough being tough and consistent and righteous. I'm so aware both of my efforts not to repeat parenting faux pas I was on the receiving end of, but also to not over-correct and under-discipline.

Anyway - none of us has a freaking clue right? And so we keep trying to get it right, hoping and praying that our children will grow to be respectful, passionate about something, empathic, that they will stay off crystal meth and that somewhere, amidst all of that growing up, we hope and pray that they'll find the space to love us as much as we love them.

I think it might be a big ask.