Here's a question: is auto-immune disease (ie. your body attacking itself) the physiological manifestation of self-criticism (ie. the bitch in your head coming to life) or is it just a Random Act of Unkindness by the apparent powers that be?
Auto-immune diseases are really your body's immune system recognising its own tissues as Public Enemy #1. Lupus is widely accepted to be AI. So is Crohns, Celiac Disease, psoriasis, Rheumatoid arthritis and in my case (or so the doctor told me last week, quite nonchalantly), Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Sounds like a side dish at Koi, but unfortunately, this 'very common' auto immune disease comes with fuckall edamame beans. What it does come with, said the deadpan physician, as if she was telling me the specials, is the probability of making me fat, depressed and chronically exhausted. Good god I'm excited.
Soooo - I now need chronic medication forever and getting the levels right will be tricky at the start. Also, it is likely that I will struggle with weight gain, even whilst on the meds. You can only imagine how fucking miserable this makes me.
I'm hoping that the meds will lift this nasty depression I've been fighting this year and this perpetual, maddening exhaustion. But I'm also left wondering why my body is attacking itself. Last night, I bawled like a child to my husband, lamenting that I am hopeless at managing my life and that I'm not good enough at anything. A seven out of ten at best.
He told me, in a nice way, that I am fucked in the head and that my yardstick needs to be returned to the psycho Nazis that made it and replaced with a normal one.
I think your yardstick is your yardstick though. No refunds. No returns.
Bastards.
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