The Plight of the Hamster

Liam turned 4 on 23 June and I thought, in my wisdom, that it was now appropriate for him to take care of a small animal. On 22 June, we headed off to Sandton City and bought Aubrey, an 11 week old hamster, together a fancy perspex hamster cage, a wheel, a small tire set for him to tunnel through, hamster food, sawdust, a chewing thing (they teethe...who knew?) and some foul cotton wool for him to 'nest' in.

Liam was beside himself with excitement and I was glowing. I was right: this WAS a great idea.

Fast forward 2 hours:

Aubrey screeches. Liam, who literally cannot stop handling the rodent, has slammed Aubrey's tiny paw in one of the doors of the cage.

Phuque.

Google suggests that I feed him soya milk so that if he's broken a bone, the extra calcium will help him repair. I do this, all the while, apologising to Aubrey for totally screwing up his formative weeks.

Fast forward 4 days:

Liam: "Mom. What is that milk you gave Aubrey when he was sick last day?"
Me: "What?? What did you do?? Where's Aubrey?"
Liam: "In a Tupperware. He's shaking a little bit."

Jesus fucking Christ!

I find Aubrey bleeding out of his mouth, lying on his back and the 'shaking a little bit' is actually a full-on convulsion. I cannot explain how disturbing it is to watch a hamster have a seizure.

Aubrey's dying. Dear God Almighty.

I grab the offending Tupperware and rush to the Vet, where the lovely Zimbabwean doctor named Donald shares his sentiments:

"Madam. A hamster and a 4 year old? Not a good combination. Maybe get a guinea pig. They're more robust."

Thank you Doctor. How about a cup of SHUT THE FUCK UP?

"And Madam..."

Yes Doctor?

"I'm not a God-fearing man...but Aubrey will be in my prayers."

Oh fuck off. That's all I need now. A vet that wants to be a comedian.

So Aubrey (and I) survived the trauma. Apparently hamsters have such a small circulatory system that a small loss of blood causes them to go into shock. It's not pretty, but it is common.

Liam now has some rules around handling Aubrey: 10 minutes a day if he behaves and only when he is supervised. So far so good. Aubrey is intact.

To Donald the Vet: Amen.